


Blueberries

by Lady_Slytherin



Series: Fruit as Metaphors- A Series that deserves a better name [2]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-22
Updated: 2012-08-22
Packaged: 2017-11-12 16:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Slytherin/pseuds/Lady_Slytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony doesn't trust very many people.  So when he wakes up in the morning and Bruce is gone, he can't say that he's surprised.</p>
<p>Bruce doesn't trust very many people.  That's why he had to leave.</p>
<p>A story about love, in two parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is loosely based of the song "Come on Home," by the Indigo Girls. I wrote this because I've read a lot of stories about Tony and Bruce, but not very many that convey how beautifully messed up they are, and how being in love doesn't change that. I want a story not where Tony and Bruce fall in love, but where they start to deserve each other.
> 
> Let me know if you think I succeeded.
> 
> Thanks to Redhead Scientist for betaing, and to Runaway Marbles for letting me call her all the time with random questions and worries.

Tony didn’t trust very many people. He trusted Jarvis, but since Jarvis wasn’t technically human, he probably didn’t count. He trusted Pepper. He trusted Fury, in the sense that he trusted that Fury would work within his own best interests. And really, that was it.

He didn’t trust Bruce.

The Hulk wasn’t the problem. From a scientific standpoint, Tony found the Hulk fascinating. Tony wasn’t worried about Bruce’s transformations, and they certainly didn’t make him less trustful of Bruce.

What Tony didn’t trust Bruce to do was to stick around. So when he woke up in the morning and Bruce wasn’t there, he could hardly say that it was a surprise. Hoping that this was just like the other times, and he would find Bruce at work in the lab, he slid out of the warmth of his bed. “Jarvis? Is Bruce in the tower?”

“Yes, sir. He’s in the lobby, and he seems anxious.”

“Thank you.” Tony took the elevator down the stairs, wondering what was going on that would have Bruce in the lobby. He never sat down there; he hated large empty spaces. When Tony was waiting for someone to show up for meetings, Bruce refused to sit in the lobby with him.

When he got off the elevator, Bruce looked up. He was sitting on the couch and wringing his hands. 

“I was hoping you wouldn’t wake up.”

Tony strode across the room and sat down on the couch. “What’s going on?” he asked, trying to keep the edge out of his voice.

“I’m leaving.”

Tony’s chest tightened. “That’s what you’ve been saying since you got here.”

“Today.” Bruce’s voice was firm. “I’m leaving today.”

“Why?”

“Tony, you know why.”

“No, I mean it. I want to know. Why today? Why now?”

“Because if I don’t leave now, I won’t do it at all.”

“I see no problem with that.”

“This was only ever supposed to be temporary. I need to get back to the real world.”

They’d had this argument before, dozens of times, but it felt different this morning. Tony frowned. “Some of us think this _is _the real world.”__

“It’s not safe for me to stay here. I could hurt somebody.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You need to write a new script, Bruce. This one’s getting old. Besides, no matter where you go you could hurt somebody. It comes with the territory. Are you telling me that it’s okay with you if you destroy Calcutta? Because I think a lot of people there would be quite put out with you if they knew you felt that way.”

“I can’t be somewhere with this many people.” There was a silence as they both mulled this over. When Bruce spoke again, his voice was pleading. “I’ve already packed. My flight has been booked for weeks.”

“Wait, you booked a flight? How did I miss that? I expressly told Jarvis to tell me if you did anything to suggest you were leaving.”

“I called the airport from a payphone. By the way, has anyone ever told you that it’s kind of creepy how hard it is to keep a secret from you?”

That stung. “I need a drink,” he said, leaving the room. He wasn’t sure why he left, except that he couldn’t just sit there and argue with Bruce. A small (okay, large) part of him hoped that Bruce would follow him. They’d played out this scene dozens of times. There was nothing to suggest that Bruce would follow through on his intentions this time. With that in mind, he went to his favorite living room, knowing that Bruce would expect him to go there.

Two drinks later, the situation hadn’t improved. Bruce was showing no signs of coming upstairs, and Jarvis said that he hadn’t moved from the couch. Tony had thought of several arguments he could make, but none that would convince Bruce to stay now that his mind was made up. In the end, Bruce would do what he wanted to, and for some reason, he seemed to think he didn’t deserve to be happy.

Or maybe, as Tony’s less-than-sober mind pointed out, he wasn’t making Bruce happy. Maybe Bruce wanted someone who wasn’t so broken. Maybe he didn’t want someone who was still drinking far too heavily and didn’t really know how to treat people like they deserved.

With that in mind, he closed the bottle of vodka, right as Jarvis made an announcement. “Dr. Banner is coming up in the elevator.”

A few seconds later, the door opened. Bruce stood there, holding a suitcase that Tony hadn’t noticed earlier. Since when did Bruce even own a suitcase? Had Tony bought it for him? It was hard to remember. He bought Bruce a lot of things.

“My cab’s here.” Bruce took two steps out of the elevator and stopped.

“I’d have driven you.” Tony got up from his stool and stood awkwardly.

Tony, just— it’ll be easier this way. I’ll call you when I’m settled in.”

“You still haven’t told me where you’re going.”

“I don’t want you to come after me.”

They stood, neither quite sure what to do. Finally, Bruce said, “My cab will leave if I don’t go now.”

“Okay.” Tony strode towards Bruce and shook his hand. “Have a safe trip, Dr. Banner.”

“Tony—”

“I have to go to the lab. I’m working on a very sensitive project right now.”

* * * * *

_The first time they kissed, Tony felt like his lips were on fire. It was almost too much, and he cursed himself for feeling things so strongly. ___

_Bruce tasted like blueberries._

* * * * * 

For the next several weeks, Tony alternated between numbing himself with drink and punishing himself with sobriety. As time went on, he began to lean towards punishment. A constant reminder that he and his addictions hadn’t been good enough to make Bruce stay.

When he got coffee with Pepper to go over accounts, she noticed that something was off. He tried to hide it, but he wasn’t any good at hiding things, and Pepper knew him better than anyone. She waited to mention it until after they ordered pancakes, strawberries for him, none for her.

“I’ve never seen you this quiet,” she said. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“I’m fine. Why, does it seem like something’s wrong?”

“Well, you remembered that I’m allergic to strawberries, for a start. In the entire time we dated, you never once remembered.”

“Sure I did.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Tony didn’t know how to respond to that, so he ignored it. That was how he dealt with things he didn’t understand. After a few seconds, he leaned forwards, elbows on the table. “Pepper, can I ask you a serious question?”

She looked surprised. “Okay.”

“Why did we break up?”

“You mean you don’t remember?”

“No, I do remember, but I don’t know what it was like on your end of things.”

Pepper took a sip of coffee and raised an eyebrow. “Okay, now I know something’s wrong. You’re asking for someone else’s point of view on something? Tony Stark, the textbook narcissist, wants to know what something was like for me?”

“I’m serious, I want to know.”

“Okay.” She took another sip of coffee, and appeared to be thinking about the question. “I suppose I never really expected our relationship to last. I don’t know if this has ever occurred to you, but you’re not the most stable person I’ve met. So, it hurt, but it’s not like I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Hey, hold up. I’m stable.”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “Sleeping with a different woman every week? Blowing off meetings because you didn’t feel like going? You may have improved in the past couple of months, but look up stable in the dictionary and it says ‘The opposite of what Tony Stark is.’” She looked at him closer. “I notice that you’re not drunk or hungover today, though. I suppose for you, that’s pretty close to stable.”

“Bruce left.”

Pepper smiled sadly. “You’re used to being the one leaving, aren’t you?”

* * * * *

_The morning after he and Bruce first had sex, Tony woke up alone. This threw him off; he was used to Pepper, who liked to cuddle every morning, or before that, the endless line of women he had to shake off so that he could get up and have a cup of coffee. When he later found Bruce working in the lab, he said nothing about how hurt he was. ___

* * * * *

Two weeks and three days after Bruce left, the rest of the Avengers staged an intervention. Except for Bruce, naturally, and Thor, who was bad in Asgaard. They hadn’t heard from him since his flight up with Loki.

“Tony, we’re worried about you,” Steve said. He was sitting at the head of the conference table, and spoke the way a boss would to one of his employees.

“You haven’t been the same since Bruce left,” Clint said. He didn’t appear to be paying much attention, but instead was checking the tips of his arrows. Even when he was supposed to be incognito, he couldn’t help but bring his bow and arrow with him. Then again, Tony couldn’t talk; of all the people in this room, he was probably the worst at going incognito.

“That’s funny. You know, people normally stage interventions when people _start ___drinking heavily, not when they cut back.”

“It’s not the drinking,” Steve said. Good God, that man was earnest. “We’re all glad you’re drinking less. What’s worrying us is the moping around your tower all by yourself. We can tell you’re not happy.”

“What do you mean, moping? I just built an Iron Man suit that can transform into a jet. How many of you have built a jet in a week?”

“When have _you _ever been that productive in one week?” Steve demanded.__

Tony gave this some thought. “Well, there was the week when—what’s your point again? So what if I’m being productive? I thought that was supposed to be a good thing.”

“What Steve is trying to say is that you’re using your work to avoid dealing with your feelings,” Clint said.

Tony stood up. “So what you’re trying to tell me is that you’re worried about me because I’m _not ___drinking and I _am ___working?”

“They’re explaining it wrong,” Natasha said, rolling her eyes. “They think you’re lonely.”

“Well, yeah, I am. I miss having Bruce around. So what? Isn’t that what people do when friends leave, miss them?”

“Tony, we all know that you and Bruce weren’t just friends,” Steve said levelly.

“Again, so what? So I miss having him in to tower. I think I’m handling the situation pretty well, personally. I’ve been sober for six days now.” He threw that last remark out to get Steve off his back. It was his way of saying that everything was fine, and would they please just leave him alone.

Natasha turned to Clint. “See! I told you he just missed having people in the tower.”

“Yes! Thank you! So, I guess we’re done here,” Tony said, standing up.

“Yes, we are. So that’s settled. You miss having people in the tower, that’s all. Not a problem. We’ll move in tomorrow,” Natasha said sweetly.

That was the moment Tony realized that he’d been set up.

* * * * *

_The first night after Stark Tower was rebuilt, Bruce said that he was leaving. They argued for hours, but eventually, Tony managed to convince him to stay one more night. And then another. That was how things went, one night at a time, until Bruce stopped saying he was going to leave. Tony thought that he wouldn’t be able to keep going if Bruce left. ___

* * * * * 

Having the other Avengers in his house complicated things. With the size of Stark Tower, all logic dictated that he would rarely, if ever, see them. But of course, if that had been their intention, they never would have moved in to begin with. To complicate matters, Natasha invited Pepper to visit with alarming frequency. When Tony asked her about it, she snorted and said something about there being “too much testosterone here.”

Steve insisted on them eating together every night. They took turns cooking, which for everyone except Steve and Natasha meant ordering takeout. At first, Steve complained about this, but after one night of Clint’s cooking, he relented.

Clint liked to watch Tony work, which should have bothered him, except that it didn’t. Tony found himself explaining things like Quantum Leaps and the Boson Higgs particle, and Clint would nod stoically and make arrows. 

After a while, Tony kind of got used to the others being there. 

* * * * *

“Jarvis?” he called, the morning of the 41st day after Bruce left.

“Yes, sir?”

“Can you pull up everything Bruce looked up while he was here and tell me the names of any places he seemed interested in?” Tony told himself that he just wanted to know where Bruce was, but he also knew that if he found out, he would definitely go looking for him. Bruce had called when he arrived wherever he arrived, but Tony ignored it, unwilling to deal with anything at the time. That was one of the nights when he returned to the bottle.

After rifling through meaningless information for two hours, Tony realized that he was going about this the wrong way. “Jarvis, I need you to hack into the airport’s database of scheduled flights. Use the code I developed last month so that they don’t realize they’ve been hacked.”

“Very well, sir. Newark or JFK?”

“Both.”

“I’ll take the liberty of assuming that you want to search for Dr. Banner’s flight.

“Obviously.” Tony tapped on the desk impatiently, wondering if his increased fidgeting was a result of staying sober. More likely, he was just nervous. There was no telling how Bruce would react when he saw him.

“Dr. Banner flew out of Newark on their nonstop flight to Greenland at 7:30 AM Eastern Standard Time.”

“Thanks, Jarvis. Start up my fastest jet and set coordinates for Greenland.”

* * * * *

_Sometimes when Bruce kissed him, Tony forgot that there ___was _anything else they could be doing. It was sloppy and harsh, as though any minute Bruce might pick up and leave, and Tony savored every moment of it. ___

* * * * *

Tony walked into the dilapidated house to the sight of Bruce asleep on the couch. He strode towards him. “Found you, doc.”

Bruce sat up immediately. Tony knew that all it would take was one sound for Bruce to be awake, but he was still hall surprised when it worked. It was like he remembered Bruce’s habit from a dream, and didn’t expect it to be true in real life.

“It took you this long?” Bruce picked up his blanket and folded it neatly, setting it on the edge of the couch.

“I was giving you space, respecting your boundaries, you know, all that good stuff. Gave up on that idea, though. It’s been _41 days, ___Bruce.”

“42.”

“No, 41. I’ve been keeping track.”

“So have I. Tony, it’s one in the morning. That makes it the 42nd day.”

“Okay, 42 then. Can I sit down?” Without waiting for an answer, he sat next to Bruce, probably closer than Bruce was comfortable with.

“I called you when I got here, you know,” Bruce said. 

“I know. I chose to ignore it.”

“I’m not going back.”

“That’s fine. I’ll stay here. Or we can go somewhere else. Did you know there’s a town in Kansas with only 400 people in it? I looked it up. You wouldn’t be able to hurt very many people there. There’s tornadoes, though, so be sure to pack your ruby slippers. And—”

“Tony, you’re babbling.”

“True, but that doesn’t make my point less valid.”

“And what _is _your point, exactly?”__

“That I love you, and I want you to stay with me.” Tony knew that he was coming dangerously close to pleading, but he didn’t care. He didn’t go through all of this not to bring back Bruce, and he was willing to swallow some of his pride if that was what it took.

“Well, you can’t always get what you want.” Bruce stood and moved to a tall stool, clearly trying to remove himself from Tony’s touch.

“That’s not a response. That’s a Rolling Stones song, and not even a particularly good one.” He walked over to Bruce and looked him in the eye. “Do you love me?”

“Yes.” Bruce sounded angry.

“Then give me one good reason why we can’t be together!”

“Because love doesn’t change anything! It doesn’t change what I am, and I could still hurt you!” He grabbed Tony’s shoulders. “Don’t you understand? I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.”

He kissed Tony angrily, and Tony leaned up into it, sliding his arms around Bruce’s neck. Then, as quickly as it had started, it was over, and Bruce was shoving him away.

Tony said the only thing that he could think of. “I’ve been sober for eleven days now. It would be twenty seven, but the first few days after the others moved in were impossible. Did you know that Natasha snores?”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Tony sat down on the stool and put his head in his hands. “I don’t know.” Only—that wasn’t true. It was because he’d gotten alcohol all mixed up with Bruce leaving, and he’d thought if he could just be good, _just deny himself hard enough, ___Bruce would come back. “I should go.”

Bruce didn’t say anything, just watched him as he walked out the door.

* * * * *

_Tony cried about Bruce once, after a major fight. He had made a room, for Bruce to transform in, and Bruce had hated it, saying that Tony was putting them both in danger, when all Tony had been trying to do was give Bruce a space where he was allowed to feel. Bruce apologized later, but Tony had always been upset about it, always resented that Bruce had been the person to finally make him cry. ___

* * * * *

When Tony got back to New York, the first thing he did was call Pepper.

“Can you come over? Right now?”

“Tony, it’s three in the morning.”

“I know. Just—stay with me, okay?”

“Okay, but if you’re just trying to get me into bed—”

“Pepper, Bruce isn’t coming back. Now will you please come over, dammit, so that I can cry?”

End of Part One.


	2. Chapter 2

Bruce was used to internal battles, but this time, the Other Guy was nowhere in sight, and Bruce was stuck battling with himself. In a lot of ways, battling with the Other Guy was easier, because at least then he knew which side was right.

“I can’t believe he left,” he said, sitting down heavily on the couch. Because if there was one thing that could be said about Tony, it was that he never went down without a fight. Bruce had expected yelling. Hell, he’d expected to be dragged back to New York kicking and screaming, because Tony never gave up on things this easily.

He reminded himself that this was a good thing. It was easier, and less painful, and he should never have let himself get this attached to another person in the first place. From the start, everything about Tony had thrown him off guard. He didn’t seem to be scared of the Other Guy, and Bruce needed that, craved the connection that could only form when people weren’t on tiptoes around you all the time. 

Tony was sober now. For some reason, this tidbit of information stuck in his mind, and made him miss Tony more than he had in the past 42 days. Bruce thought about drinking the Scotch he’d taken from Tony’s dresser when he left (the Scotch that he wasn’t supposed to know about,) but he needed to think. Besides, the bottle was already half empty, and there would be more bad nights.

Bruce didn’t trust anyone. Before the Gamma radiation, this hadn’t been true, but now—now he’d had one too many experiences with people leaving. Trust was a luxury for people who were more human and less broken than Bruce. But even if he did trust people, he probably wouldn’t have trusted Tony. Tony just wasn’t the kind of person you put your trust in. He flitted from project to project, totally devoted to each one until he wasn’t anymore. You’d have to be crazy to trust Tony Stark, and if there was one thing Bruce wasn’t, that was crazy.

He stood up and stretched, then moved to the lumpy cot off to the side of the room. He needed to get back to sleep; he was working tomorrow.

* * * * *

_Tony tasted like Scotch, searing Bruce’s mouth as their tongues mapped out each others lips. He wanted to go deeper, explore Tony until they knew each other inside and out. His brain was fuzzy from Scotch he hadn’t even been drinking, and he wondered if he’d wake up with a hangover. ___

* * * * *

As it turned out, the bar near where Bruce lived had exceptionally good beer. He wondered why he’d never come here before. Of course, he had to be careful how much he drank, but the Other Guy didn’t seem to be any more of a threat than usual.

He’d left home tonight because he needed to get away. If it had just been alcohol he needed, there was still that bottle of Scotch, but what he was really looking for was a distraction. He wasn’t sure yet whether it was working.

A woman sat down next to him, smiled, and ordered a martini. She reminded him of someone else he used to know. After several minutes, she spoke. “Who was she?”

Bruce started. “Who?”

“The woman who put that look on your face. Must have been one hell of a breakup.”

“Yeah.” Bruce took a sip of beer and decided that he wouldn’t bother to correct her about the gender of his ex. “It really was.”

She put her hand on his bicep and squeezed gently. “Would you believe me if I told you it’s going to be okay?”

He removed her hand. “Depends on whether it was the truth.” He paid for his drink and left, fully aware that this woman probably thought he was an asshole. In all fairness, maybe he was. 

Bruce hated being touched, especially by strangers. He never knew how he was supposed to respond. Somebody would pat his shoulder in a buddy-buddy sort of way, and he would automatically stiffen. He’d never quite understood why it was, but whenever somebody touched him, he wished they would stop.

* * * * *

_Tony was always touching him, and Bruce didn’t mind as much as he normally would. When they kissed, Tony’s hands would tug at his hair, pulling him closer. He would stroke his shoulders, his back, whispering words of encouragement. Bruce wasn’t even sure Tony noticed how often he did this, and he never brought it up. ___

* * * * *

Eight days after Tony left, the Other Guy made an appearance.

Bruce was always angry, but usually managed to keep the anger under control. That was the secret; keep things wrapped up under layers of other emotions so that it never reached the surface. But on the eighth day after he saw Tony, there were no other emotions to hide under. Most people could afford to let themselves get angry once in a while. Bruce could never take that risk, never allow himself to let go.

In retrospect, he was pretty sure that it was Pepper’s letter that triggered it. She’d written him a long note chastising him for hurting Tony. As if he had had a choice in the matter. All he could think about was how stupid Tony was, for being willing to flirt with disaster this way. And why had Bruce let things go on so long without putting a stop to it? It was so unfair that _he ___had to be the one to step back from something he wanted so badly, so stupid that he could never be in a real relationship, so frustrating that everyone was so inclined to blame him when it _wasn’t his fault. ___

Bruce knew he shouldn’t let this get to him, but he was so frustrated and angry and _tired _that he slipped into being the Other Guy without even thinking about it.__

The transformation wasn’t painful, but truth be told, it never was. It felt like release, like he could finally lower his defenses. What was painful was the psychological piece, knowing that he needed to make things stop, but also that he couldn’t. That didn’t happen this time, because he didn’t even notice what was going on. Just slipped away and woke up naked in an unfamiliar place. It was alarming how familiar these unfamiliar places were becoming.

* * * * * 

_I’d like to see you come apart entirely,” Tony whispered, grazing Bruce’s ear with his teeth. “You’re always so in control. I’d like to see you writhing beneath me. I want to fuck you so hard you can’t think. Come on, Bruce. I want to see you let go.” ___

_”No,” Bruce whispered back. “You really don’t.” ___

* * * * *

Bruce needed help. He was losing himself. It had been seventeen days since he’d seen Tony, and in that time, he’d transformed three times. He checked the paper every day to make sure no one was hurt. So far, nothing had been reported, but then, sometimes these things weren’t. Even if no one _had ___been hurt, it was just luck, and eventually that luck would run out.

After the fourth transformation, he broke a long-term promise to himself and called S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Let me get this straight,” Fury said. “You want us to come to our facilities and have us run copious tests on you, some of them quite painful, some of them actually triggering transformation? _You ___want that?”

“Yes. I’d give you my address, but I’m sure you’ve been keeping tabs on me since I left Stark Tower.” _Since my gamma radiation accident, actually, but who’s counting? ___

“Dr. Banner, are you sure you’re feeling all right?”

“I’ll be expecting you in an hour.” Bruce hung up, knowing for certain that Fury wouldn’t be able to pass up an opportunity like this.

The next few days were a haze of tests and blood samples and being taken to a Hulk-proof room and being told to “try to transform,” a feat which was alarmingly easy. Afterwards he didn’t remember much, except the feeling of abject humiliation that he felt as they studied him.

The one day, twenty seven days after Tony had come to see him (69 since they had broken up,) Fury came to him with his results.

“We’ve made one major discovery,” Fury said. They were sitting at opposite ends of a table in one of the main labs, and Fury was pulling up data on a screen. “You seem to be suffering from some form of suppression. Sometimes it gets to be too much to hold things back, and then the Hulk appears.”

“Why is he coming out so often now?”

“That’s what we’d like to figure out. It seems like now more than ever, you’re having a hard time keeping your emotions in check. I’d like you to start seeing a S.H.I.E.L.D. issued psychiatrist. See if we can help you unlock what might be affecting you. You could also take some suppressants, but I think that might affect you negatively in the long run, so I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“So that’s it? A psychiatrist, and pills that you don’t actually want me to take?” This was ridiculous. Days of humiliation and degradation for _this? ___

Fury leaned forwards. “There’s one more thing you can try, but you’re not going to like it, Doctor.” How was it that he could maintain better eye contact with one eye that most people could with two?

“What is it?”

“From the tests we’ve run, you seem to be emotionally and physically healthiest immediately after a transformation. If you’re willing, I’d like you to come by once a week and transform here, where it’s safe. It might stop the Hulk from bursting out at unexpected times.”

Bruce shook his head quickly. “Absolutely not.”

“Dr. Banner, I’m not quite sure you realize how serious this is. I’m offering you a solution that will keep people _safe. ___If you don’t accept this, you may not be so lucky the next time you transform.”

Bruce sighed, wishing Fury hadn’t played that card. “Well, then I guess I have no choice.”

“There’s always a choice, Dr. Banner. I’m glad you’re making the right one.”

* * * * *

_The morning after he and Tony first had sex, Bruce woke up first. Tony was on the opposite end of the bed snoring, and Bruce felt stupid and used. Tony Stark would sleep with anything that breathed, and that was a fact. Bruce had a million reasons for not wanting to get attached, but looking at Tony calmly breathing, he wished that he could believe that they would have a chance, if it weren’t for the Other Guy. ___

_He got out of bed and left the house, walking around New York City for hours. When he came back, he went to the lab and acted like he’d been there all along. ___

* * * * *

Bruce returned home, with the agreement that S.H.I.E.LD. would fly him in once a week to have a therapy appointment and transform. He hated both things, although by the time the therapy was over, he was good and ready to let himself be angry. After a few weeks, though, he had to admit it was helping. 

53 days after he saw Tony, a letter arrived from Steve.

_Dear Bruce,_

_Pepper gave me your address. I think she wants me to convince you to go back to Tony, but I’m not sure you should, especially if you don’t think it’s safe. It’s hard to put someone you love in danger, even if they say they’re okay with it. So don’t worry, I’m not trying to convince you to do anything you don’t want to. ___

_Fury told me that you went in for some tests. What was that like? I remember the tests they ran when I first woke up after being in the ice. They were terrible. You’re a brave man to go in and ask for them. I’m glad you’re trying to make things work out. ___

_We’re all living in Stark Tower now. I suppose you already know that. Tony’s got a new project going every week. He’s getting a lot done right now. I think it’s partly to distract himself, now that he’s not using alcohol for that. He seems to be doing all right, which means he probably isn’t. The government’s been on his case about the Iron Man suits again, too, and I think that’s been hard on him. ___

_I guess I’ll write more later. If you’re able to write, I’d enjoy hearing from you. ___

_Yours Truly,_   
_Steve Rogers_

Bruce sat down to think, but stopped himself. He was always thinking. Just once, he wanted not to think, so he called Fury.

“Fly me in. I want to let the Other Guy out for a while.”

* * * * *

_Tony had built him a room to transform in, but Bruce never used it. They’d had a big fight about it, when it had first been built. When he apologized to Tony for yelling, Tony came in very close and put his hands on Bruce’s shoulders. ___

_”Someday, you’re going to have to be brave enough to let go.” ___

* * * * *

57 days after Bruce saw Tony, he picked up the phone and made a call.

“Hello?”

“Tony, it’s me. Can we talk? In person?”

“When?”

“Tonight. There’s a bar near where I live. I can give you directions.”

“No need. I’ll have Jarvis look it up. Seven work for you?”

Bruce swallowed nervously. “Yeah, seven. Sounds good.”

He couldn’t focus for the rest of the day, and ended up getting to the bar at 6:30. Tony arrived at seven on the dot, looking dressed up and perfect and a little bit nervous. He sat down at the bar next to Bruce. “So.”

“Yeah.”

“You wanted to talk to me?”

“I did.” Now that Tony was here, Bruce wasn’t sure he had words for what he was feeling. He knew what he wanted, but now that he was here faced with this situation, there was nothing to say. “I suppose Fury’s told you that I’ve been going into S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

“He did.” Tony ordered a beer, looking oddly tired. It didn’t show in his face so much, but it was written all over the way he held himself. “I’m glad.”

Bruce looked pointedly at Tony’s drink. “I thought you were staying sober.”

“I’m not a teetotaler, either. I promise I’ll only have one drink.”

“Good.” This would be easier if Tony stayed sober. Bruce always fell apart when Tony drank too much.

They sat there silently for several minutes. Finally, Tony set his drink down on the table and looked Bruce in the eye. “What am I doing here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you didn’t drag me out here to the middle of nowhere just for a beer. What’s going on?”

“I wanted—I wanted to talk to you. I want us to be together.”

Tony sighed. 

“What? Isn’t that what you want, too?”

“I don’t know. It’s not that—it’s just—I love you, you know? And you wanted us to be together in the beginning, too, but then you left, and—I couldn’t take that again. I’ve been doing okay. It’s fucking terrifying, but I’m actually trying to get my shit together. And now you want us to be together again, only I don’t know if you’re serious about this, or how long it’ll last, and—Christ, Bruce, help me out here.”

“I’m sorry.” What else could he say? What else was there to say, when you know that you screwed up, but at the same time, without having screwed up, you never would have worked through things you needed to, and you’re broken, but then, so is he, and you just really want to kiss him? What could Bruce possibly say that would make this okay?

“Yeah.” Tony sighed again. “I’m sorry, too.”

“So can I come back?”

“Do you promise not to leave?”

“I don’t know.” Bruce looked down. “My therapist thinks I have commitment issues.”

“I don’t care what your therapist says. Do you promise not to leave?”

“Ever?”

“Well, without reason, anyway.”

“I still think my reason was pretty good.”

“My question still stands.”

“So does my answer.”

Tony smiled, for the first time since he’d arrived at the bar. “I’ve missed having these special moments together, Dr. Banner. Fine, you win. But if you leave again, I’m not coming after you.”

“You weren’t supposed to come after me this time.”

“Sure I was. You can’t tell me that you weren’t just sitting here waiting for me to show up.”

“Can we stop arguing? Please?”

“I don’t know. I’m kind of enjoying this.” He grinned.

“Tony, shut up. It’s been 57 days. Can I please just kiss you?”

“You haven’t changed.”

“Neither have you.” Without waiting for an answer this time, Bruce put his arms around Tony and kissed him.

END


End file.
